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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.

P. J. O'Rourke

Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Birthday Card Christmas Funeral Funny Greeting Need Save Send
As a former writer for the ‘National Lampoon,’ I’ve probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Former Live National Sarcasm Seam Probably Writer
Term limits aren’t enough. We need jail.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Enough Jail Limit Need Term
Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God’s infinite mercy, a last resort.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Endless Foreigner God Lousy Politics Right Wrong
Never wear anything that panics the cat.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Anything Cat never Panic Wear
America has to act. But, when America acts, other nations accuse us of being ‘hegemonistic’, of engaging in ‘unilateralism’, of behaving as if we’re the only nation on earth that counts. We are.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Accuse Act Behave Being Country Engage Unilateralism
If you ask the government to solve all of your problems, it’s a bit like asking your wife to cook and clean, to raise the children, to hold down a second job to help with the family finances, to keep her parents happy and well and keep your parents happy and well, and to also – to do the lawn and clean the gutters.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Ask Children Clean Cook Down Government Hold Problem Solve
I’m too tough and sensitive to have to have some pubescent twerp with his mom’s earring in his tongue, who combs his hair with Redi-Whip and has an Ani DiFranco tattoo on his shin, come show me how a computer works.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Earn Earring Mom Pubescent Sensitive Some Tongue Toug Twerp
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Cleanliness Godliness Important More Unlikely
Political leaders are expert at saying nothing.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Expert Leader Nothing Political Say
Everybody is xenophobic to an extent.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Everybody Extent Xenophobia
If we heard that somebody starved to death in Sweden or Switzerland, we would be shocked.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Country Death Heard Shock Somebody Starved
Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Bright Feel Good Government Look Quit Side
Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Corporal Introduce Let Punishment School Tracker Use
Explosion of positive rights started in 1932 with the election of Roosevelt.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Election Explosion Positive Right Started
The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that’s the point.
P. J. O'ROURKE

Know People Pont Poor Purpose Real Welfare

When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.

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When I’m in the car, I want the only one shouting to be me.

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