Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don’t draft people; it’s not jury duty.
P. J. O'ROURKEA hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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A U.S. dollar is an IOU from the Federal Reserve Bank. It’s a promissory note that doesn’t actually promise anything. It’s not backed by gold or silver.
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You’re stupid,’ is not something even his most severe critics usually say to President Barack Obama.
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Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
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Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros.
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The best and brightest don’t go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.
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Each child is biologically required to have a mother. Fatherhood is a well-regarded theory, but motherhood is a fact.
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As a former writer for the ‘National Lampoon,’ I’ve probably contributed to the sea of sarcasm in which we live.
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Term limits aren’t enough. We need jail.
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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I’ve got a 1990 Porsche 911. It’s just a Carrera, a very simple, straightforward little thing that goes like stink. I love it.
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By the end of the 1950s, American cars were so reliable that their reliability went without saying even in car ads. Thousands of them bear testimony to this today, still running on the roads of Cuba though fueled with nationalized Venezuelan gasoline and maintained with spit and haywire.
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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
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The problem in Afghanistan is really not so much land as water. It’s a dry country with ample amounts of water running through it, but not to good enough effect.
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Just because a subject is serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t have plenty of absurdities.
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A humorist doesn’t really do that much note-taking.
P. J. O'ROURKE