Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARDThe only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
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Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
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Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
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Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
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I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
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I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
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I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
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Spring time is the land awakening.
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It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
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You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’
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If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
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Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
LEWIS GRIZZARD