I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
LEWIS GRIZZARDThe only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
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I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
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It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
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Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
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You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, ‘What’s in it for me?’
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The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.
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Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
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Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
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Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
LEWIS GRIZZARD