The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARDIt’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good for myself.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Today’s sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, “Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?”
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
If you are not the lead dog, your scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Yankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
It’s difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.
LEWIS GRIZZARD