The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life’s most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.
LEWIS GRIZZARDThere is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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It’s better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Money doesn’t grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
They tore out my heart and stomped that sucker flat.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Spring time is the land awakening.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
LEWIS GRIZZARD -
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
LEWIS GRIZZARD