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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.

Joseph Heller

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
JOSEPH HELLER

Achievement Born Medicore Mediocrity Men Sarcastic Thrust
History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind.
JOSEPH HELLER

Bag Coincidence History Open Random Trash Wind
Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure.
JOSEPH HELLER

Bulling Difficult Drug Endurance Failure Meditation Success Suicide
But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.
JOSEPH HELLER

Children Favor Influence Liberation Parents War
Let’s take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives.
JOSEPH HELLER

Drive Live Packet
The country was in peril; he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.
JOSEPH HELLER

Country Dare Exercise Freedom Independence Traditonal
I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy.
JOSEPH HELLER

Country Crazy Executive Scare
You’re an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I’m an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I’m in an ideal position to appreciate it.
JOSEPH HELLER

Appreciation Character Courage Intelligence Moral
What do you do when it rains?” The captain answered frankly. “I get wet.
JOSEPH HELLER

Rain Wet
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t after you.
JOSEPH HELLER

Mad Paranoid
The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren’t paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.
JOSEPH HELLER

Ignorance Law Mind Nature Paranoid Promote
Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
JOSEPH HELLER

Civilization Earth End Peace
I’m not running away from my responsibilities. I’m running to them. There’s nothing negative about running away to save my life.
JOSEPH HELLER

Life Negative Responsiblity Run Save
Rise above principal and do what’s right.
JOSEPH HELLER

Inspirational One Liner Principle Right Rise
When I look up, I see people cashing in. I don’t see heaven or saints or angels. I see people cashing in on every decent impulse and every human tragedy.
JOSEPH HELLER

Angel Decent Heaven Human Impulse Poeple Saint Tragedy
The enemy is anybody who’s going to get you killed, no matter which side he is on.
JOSEPH HELLER

Enemy Kill War

In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.

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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.

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