Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
JERRY SEINFELDWhat I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
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When you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
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Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
JERRY SEINFELD