The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
JERRY SEINFELDDogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who’s … normal … I’m not curious, I’m not interested.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
JERRY SEINFELD






