I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
JERRY SEINFELDI love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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[I like to] engage with funny people, or weird people, or, you know, kind of off people. [Whereas when I meet] anybody who’s … normal … I’m not curious, I’m not interested.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
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Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
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I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
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Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
JERRY SEINFELD