If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
JERRY SEINFELDPain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
-
-
The best revenge is living well.
JERRY SEINFELD -
I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
JERRY SEINFELD -
I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
JERRY SEINFELD -
I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
JERRY SEINFELD -
The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
JERRY SEINFELD -
Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
JERRY SEINFELD -
Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
JERRY SEINFELD -
Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
JERRY SEINFELD -
I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
JERRY SEINFELD -
If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
JERRY SEINFELD -
That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
JERRY SEINFELD -
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
JERRY SEINFELD -
This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
JERRY SEINFELD -
Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
JERRY SEINFELD -
I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
JERRY SEINFELD