I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
JERRY SEINFELDSurveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
JERRY SEINFELD -
Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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Once you start doing only what you’ve already proven you can do, you’re on the road to death.
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I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
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I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
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The best revenge is living well.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
JERRY SEINFELD