This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
JERRY SEINFELDThe best revenge is living well.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
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What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
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I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
JERRY SEINFELD -
The best revenge is living well.
JERRY SEINFELD -
Magazines are another medium I love, because 95% is simply based on ‘How the hell are we going to fill all this blank space?
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.
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That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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If I want a long, boring story with no point to it, I have my life.
JERRY SEINFELD