The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
JERRY SEINFELDThe best revenge is living well.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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The best revenge is living well.
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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There are more social skills required to talk one-on-one [than to an audience]. You don’t have to be socially fluid to talk to two thousand people.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
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Most people, you do a TV series, it ends three, four, five years later; it’s a relic.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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I’ve been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It’s just something I’m very aware of.
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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Pain is usually represented by lightning attacking the guy. Glowing redness is also popular. Sometimes parts of the guy would just burst into flames.
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See, you know how to take the reservation, you just don’t know how to hold the reservation and that’s really the most important part of the reservation, the holding. Anybody can just take them.
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I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
JERRY SEINFELD