Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.
JERRY SEINFELDThis is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
More Jerry Seinfeld Quotes
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I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.
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What I don’t understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.
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Wise is what you want to be. Smart is easy compared to wise.
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I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
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There’s more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations.
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Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
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If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
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When you’ve been in the business 5-years, as a person, it’s like you’re 5-years old – like a child. 10-years and you’re 10-years old, 20… Etcetera. That’s how I measure maturity in this industry.
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I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.
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The toughest nights when I was a young, unknown comedian were opening for these real old-time Italian singers. I’m like Grace Jones to them. “This guy is nuts-talking about socks. Where’s the wife jokes, where’s the fat jokes?”
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The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.
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You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
JERRY SEINFELD -
I was the best man at the wedding… If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?
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This is one of my big things of creative pursuits. You have your idea you want to do, but then you got to figure out what does this thing want to be? You got to let it lead you a little.
JERRY SEINFELD -
Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets.
JERRY SEINFELD