Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
ERMA BOMBECKEncourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
ERMA BOMBECK