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I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I’ve started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I’ve written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun.

Ellen DeGeneres

There are people who study germs. I believe they are called Germans
ELLEN DEGENERES

Believe Germs People
There’s nothing I know for sure, because I know for sure that things change.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Knows Things Change
We can sit and worry about what’s going to happen to us two weeks from now. I’d rather focus on the amazing things happening right in front of us.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Country Focus People Two Worry
…we should be grateful for them because without our family-the ancestors we descend from, the cousins we see once a year, the loves our lives we see every day-life is pretty boring.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Cousin Grateful Years
A circus! 100 clowns of injustice have climbed out of the tiny clown car of this court room.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Car Room Rooms Tiny
Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Being Comedian Teenage Yourself
I admire people who know they can’t sing. There are so many people out there who can’t sing, but they think they can, so they sing a lot.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Admire People Thinking
I had everything I’d hoped for, but I wasn’t being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn’t like me for being… me.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Everything Funny People Strange
Dan: ‘Ah, well, I hope this didn’t have anything to do with me.’ Ellen: ‘No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Batman Cat Well Woman
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Party Streamers Wall
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Happiness Key Keys Realizing
I didn’t go to college at all, any college, and I’m not saying you wasted your time or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity.
ELLEN DEGENERES

College Funny Humor
We’re told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Gay Humor Otherwise Really
Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Life Procrastination
I know that experts say you’re more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn’t make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Experts Flying Frightened Hurt Less
I put a basketball in front of George Clooney’s door and sprayed it with supermodel perfume to lure him out.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Basketball Doors Perfume Spray

I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I’ve started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I’ve written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun.

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I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I’ve started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I’ve written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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