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So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn’t with all the layers… I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says ‘open here.’ Is that sarcasm?

Ellen DeGeneres

My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you’re kidding?… Noooo… as funny as that is, I’m not
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dog Funny Humor
We put the wrong emphasis on what beauty is and what health is. Health is being vibrant and having energy and being happy.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Emphasis Energy Happy Vibrant
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Happiness Key Keys Realizing
I think I let go of the need for approval. It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself… I could do everything based on how I want to do things.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Go Humor Letting
I would rather be the good aunt who never says anything bad and lets the parents discipline the child.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Aunt Children Discipline
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Bigs Differences Positive Stay
There’s nothing I know for sure, because I know for sure that things change.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Knows Things Change
I care passionately about equal rights [and] animal rights.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Animal Care Rights
I’m a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Lesbian People Vegetarian
Usually, I wear tennis shoes because my feet are flat, and it hurts to wear anything other than shoes that are cushiony.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Feet Hurt Shoes
There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don’t even understand how anyone would want that job at all. Although I would be able to play golf which I don’t seem to have time now.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Anymore Golf Jobs Running Understand
Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Being Comedian Teenage Yourself
Please raise your children with love and non-judgement. Tell them everyone has the right to love who they want to love. It shouldn’t threaten you or who you are.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Children Judgement Want
I have an amazing team, I have amazing producers, I have amazing writers, but at the end of it, it’s me making the decisions on the writing, the tone, the editing.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Decision Editing Team Writing
Penguins mate for life. Which doesn’t really surprise me, because they all look exactly alike. It’s not like they’re gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Looks Penguins Surprise
I just want to find somebody special, somebody that I click with.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Clicks Somebody Special Want

So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn’t with all the layers… I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says ‘open here.’ Is that sarcasm?

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Popular Authors

So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn’t with all the layers… I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says ‘open here.’ Is that sarcasm?

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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