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No one is perfect, except for Penélope Cruz.

Ellen DeGeneres

There would be nothing to get me to run for president. I don’t even understand how anyone would want that job at all. Although I would be able to play golf which I don’t seem to have time now.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Anymore Golf Jobs Running Understand
I’m a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Lesbian People Vegetarian
It’s funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Cucumbers Juice Source Water
The world is full of a lot of fear and a lot of negativity, and a lot of judgment. I just think people need to start shifting into joy and happiness. As corny as it sounds, we need to make a shift.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Fear Inspirational Thinking
Be open to learning new lessons, even if they contradict the lessons you learned yesterday.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Inspirational Lessons Yesterday
You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dresses Funny Humor
I would love for the world to be happier.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Happier Love World
When people show me clothing that seems very, very feminine, it’s hard for me to embrace that, because it just doesn’t feel like me.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Embrace Feel Feminine People
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Happiness Key Keys Realizing
I’m glad I’m funny. I’m glad I make people happy, because that’s very important. But I’m proud to be known as a kind person.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Compassion Kindness People
For some reason, we can’t just enjoy somebody else’s success. Somehow, that’s going to affect us. If they have more, then I have less – and I don’t know why.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Enjoy Knowsm Sometimes Reason
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Party Streamers Wall
Beauty isn’t between a size zero and a size eight, it is not a number at all. It is not physical.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Eight Numbers Physical Zero
Procrastination isn’t the problem. It’s the solution. It’s the universe’s way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Moving Procrastination Way
I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn’t ringing. There wasn’t one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn’t work in Hollywood again.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Jobs Phones Years
I just want to find somebody special, somebody that I click with.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Clicks Somebody Special Want
There’s always time to do things that you’re passionate about. … If my name helps get something out there that I believe in then I am going to produce it. … Design is really my true love.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Believe Design Names Something
I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot. I’ve started a record label, so I get to nurture new talent and talk about music, which is a passion of mine. I’ve written another book. And I get to come to work and do the TV show, which is always really fun.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Book Fun Passion Talk
When I decided to have my character on the show come out, I knew I was going to have to come out, too. I never wanted to be the lesbian actress. I never wanted to be the spokesperson for the gay community. Ever. I did it for my own truth.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Character Community Gay
I’m a godmother, that’s a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that’s cute, I taught her that.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Cute Funny Hilarious
So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn’t with all the layers… I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says ‘open here.’ Is that sarcasm?
ELLEN DEGENERES

Government Mean Sarcasm
There’s nothing I know for sure, because I know for sure that things change.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Knows Things Change
I love furniture. And I thought, why are we not seeing who’s making the cool new coffee table and these new designs that come out?
ELLEN DEGENERES

Coffee Design Tables
We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, ‘I have a problem with procrastination, too.’ I said ‘Really?… Get my sandwich.’
ELLEN DEGENERES

Lunch Procrastination Talking
I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Funny Humor Rip
Being a teenager and figuring out who you are is hard enough without someone attacking you.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Being Comedian Teenage Yourself
My dream guests are really not so much celebrities. They’re people who are actually interesting and they’re doing something interesting with their lives or had an interesting experience in some way. I really enjoy talking to regular, everyday people.
ELLEN DEGENERES

Dream Interesting Talking

No one is perfect, except for Penélope Cruz.

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No one is perfect, except for Penélope Cruz.

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