Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes like chicken, it tastes just like chicken! If it tastes just like chicken, why don’t you gimme some damn chicken?
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAITQuit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.
More Bobcat Goldthwait Quotes
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I can smell parents’ stomach acid right now, but they know that whole “You gotta get a job and you gotta settle for what people perceive as success” thing is really absurd.
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We don’t really become worm food. We go to a magical place with bunnies and rainbows.”
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Kurt (Cobain) was a fan of my standup, which was pretty weird.
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If you ever see me at a boat show or at a car show, blow my head off.
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Stand-up was interesting to me at the beginning, because I was trying to parody it. My early stand-up was really Andy Kaufman-esque, and then I became the very thing I was making fun of.
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Fame is like a big eraser. It’s strange, now that I’m famous. In my parents’ opinion, all the shitty things – all the wreckage of my past – is erased.
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Without getting too profound, I’m pretty sure that’s where the invention of the afterlife comes from. “
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I’m against gun control. It’s not that I like guns, it’s just that allowing Americans to have guns will increase the chances that a bunch of rednecks will blow each other’s heads off.
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Don’t hoo, hoo, hoo me. There’s a fine line between hoo, hoo, hoo and hiel, hiel, hiel.
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Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.
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America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.
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How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that’s who I am.
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When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn’t get a job and I couldn’t eat meat.
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I lost my job, well I didn’t lose it, I know where it is, there’s just some other guy doing it now.
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In fact, with Michael Jackson, I think those mourning people… They aren’t even waking Michael, they’re waking the Michael Jackson of ’84.
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