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I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!

Bob Monkhouse

I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Creative Done Want
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
BOB MONKHOUSE

College Funny Humor
My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Love Mother
I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Distance Funny Sex
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Sex Wife Years
My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Wife
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Boards Drawing Inventor
Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Life
I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
BOB MONKHOUSE

Knows Sinner Winner
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Clubs Home Real
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Father Funny Humor
I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny House Marriage Wife
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Cat Funny Humor
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Clever Funny Smart
I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Guarantee Humor
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Feet Funny Humor

I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!

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I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!

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