I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
BOB MONKHOUSEI know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
More Bob Monkhouse Quotes
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My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
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My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!
BOB MONKHOUSE -
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
BOB MONKHOUSE -
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
BOB MONKHOUSE -
Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
BOB MONKHOUSE -
Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?
BOB MONKHOUSE -
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
BOB MONKHOUSE -
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.
BOB MONKHOUSE