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I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

Bob Monkhouse

My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Love Mother
What do gardeners do when they retire?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Retirement
I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Guarantee Humor
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Feet Funny Humor
I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Sex
I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Distance Funny Sex
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Boards Drawing Inventor
I got my start in silent radio.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Radio
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Clever Funny Smart
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
BOB MONKHOUSE

College Funny Humor
Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Life
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can’t fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Laughter Missing Nice
I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Phrases Saws Thinking
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Sex Wife Years
I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
BOB MONKHOUSE

Knows Sinner Winner
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Marriage Investment Pay

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

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I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

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