I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
BOB MONKHOUSEI can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
BOB MONKHOUSEA miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
BOB MONKHOUSEAlthough I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can’t fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.
BOB MONKHOUSEWhat do gardeners do when they retire?
BOB MONKHOUSEI’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
BOB MONKHOUSEI came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!
BOB MONKHOUSEMy wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSESilence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.
BOB MONKHOUSEDulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
BOB MONKHOUSEPersonally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
BOB MONKHOUSEA tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
BOB MONKHOUSEMy mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
BOB MONKHOUSEWhen the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
BOB MONKHOUSEWith my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSEI got my start in silent radio.
BOB MONKHOUSEI saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
BOB MONKHOUSE