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They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.

Bob Monkhouse

I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Home Humor
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Clever Funny Smart
Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Life
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Marriage Investment Pay
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Sex Wife Years
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Feet Funny Humor
My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Mom Mother
My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Love Mother
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Cat Funny Humor
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Father Funny Humor
I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Distance Funny Sex
I got my start in silent radio.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Radio
I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Clubs Home Real
I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Sex
I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny House Marriage Wife
What do gardeners do when they retire?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Retirement

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.

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They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now.

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