black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.

Bob Monkhouse

I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Guarantee Humor
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex…Yes, three times in 35 years.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Sex Wife Years
When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Boards Drawing Inventor
I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Creative Done Want
I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Phrases Saws Thinking
I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny House Marriage Wife
I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Distance Funny Sex
A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Feet Funny Humor
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Father Funny Humor
Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can’t fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Laughter Missing Nice
Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Marriage Investment Pay
What do gardeners do when they retire?
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Humor Retirement
A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot’s ribs and demanded: ‘Take me to the canaries’.
BOB MONKHOUSE

Cat Funny Humor
My wife said, ‘Can my mother come down for the weekend?’ So I said, ‘Why?’ And she said, ‘Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.’
BOB MONKHOUSE

Funny Love Mother
Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!
BOB MONKHOUSE

College Funny Humor
I know I’m a sinner, but make me a winner!
BOB MONKHOUSE

Knows Sinner Winner

I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bob Monkhouse Quotes