The average person has one Fallopian tube.
BO BURNHAMTwitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it’s really fun to do and Oprah’s on it.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
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I work really hard on the shows and I think the shows speak for themselves. I don’t want to construct the show to prove something.
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All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
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Because I see that as a crutch sometimes and I want to know that I can do something funny and worthwhile without that. And also make a show that my parents would like and that kids could watch with their parents.
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If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
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Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don’t.
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How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I’ve got a cousin who is 18… Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.
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I feel more like I’m doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.
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For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
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I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
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I’d really love to make something that doesn’t involve my stupid face.
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I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost… my virginity.
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Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.
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I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in – and I never went.
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