I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in – and I never went.
BO BURNHAMI’m also wary about the fact that if you don’t proceed with caution and understand what you’re doing, you understand these things are realities that you’re dealing with, they’re real things.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.
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Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop’s another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you’re talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It’s like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.
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Love is all about… whistles.
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I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
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I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
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I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
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I don’t like calling myself a “feminist” only because I don’t think I’ve done anything active enough to call myself one. It’d be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I’m not racist.
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There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
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And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
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I think comedy has a range, with multiple peaks in different areas. It’s like trying to compare Beethoven and the Beatles. Sometimes I hear from people, ‘I think you try too hard in your comedy.’ And that’s what I worry about.
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What’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy
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If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.
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People give me money and I don’t know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.
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What’s that? My six song album entitled Bo Fo Sho is currently available on iTunes? With three songs that have never been heard on the internet? Uh, and if I try to pirate it for free I’ll get AIDS? I would have guessed scurvy. Well, see you later ghost of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
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Women are like fingers and toes because they’re easy to count on.
BO BURNHAM