Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
BILLY CRYSTALI was introducing [director and producer] Hal Roach – Mr. Roach was 100 years old, he was one of the fathers of early days in films, he put Laurel with Hardy, he created the Our Gang kids, and all these silent movies he did – he was a giant.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown. The difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it.
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I can’t be funny if my feet don’t feel right.
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Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
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The Passion of the Christ opened up on Ash Wednesday, had a Good Friday.
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My grandparents invented joylessness. They were not fun. I’ve already had more fun with my grandchildren than my grandparents ever had with me.
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It is better to look good than to feel good.
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I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
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Even when I was in school shows, in elementary school doing plays, I’d always go off book and start improvising.
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At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.
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We were in front of a live audience and I would be acting with the man who was playing my lover, and we used those words, and the audience would titter and laugh, and make me uncomfortable doing the scenes. …
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Change is such hard work.
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At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
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There’s only, I think, in life, three things that I do pretty well: Performing, I still can field ground balls, and I make nice kids.
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I think when I feel I’m at my best is when I’m on stage, and it’s my version of jazz because it’s just riffing or something.
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As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.
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