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Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

Bill Watterson

I hope some historian will confirm that I was the first cartoonist to use the word ‘booger’ in a newspaper comic strip.
BILL WATTERSON

Firsts Hobbes Use
To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.
BILL WATTERSON

Accomplish Happier Happy Meaning Trouble
Surprise is the essence of humor, and nothing is more surprising than truth.
BILL WATTERSON

Essence Surprise Surprising
Tomorrow we’ll not only seize the day, we’ll throttle it.
BILL WATTERSON

Day Seize Throttle Tomorrow
Sleepwalking?” “Nightmare?” “Homicidal psycho jungle cat!
BILL WATTERSON

Cat Nightmare Psycho
The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.
BILL WATTERSON

Fun Real Smug Wisely
You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.
BILL WATTERSON

Congratulation Cynically Expect Manipulate Nothing Taught
If people looked at the stars each night, they’d live a lot differently. When you look into infinity, you realize that there are more important things than what people do all day.
BILL WATTERSON

Inspirational Nature Stars
If you give a little credit to the concept of the artist, I think you ought to indulge excesses a bit, because that reflects the personality of the writer.
BILL WATTERSON

Artist Jobs Thinking
Calvin: Dad where do babies come from? Dad: Well Calvin, you simply go to Sears, buy the kit and follow the assembly instructions. Calvin: I came from Sears? Dad: No you were a blue-light special at K-Mart – almost as good and a lot cheaper!
BILL WATTERSON

Assembly Baby Cheaper Dad Light Sears
Barney’s Dad was really bad so Barney hatched a plan when his dad said “Eat your peas.” Barney shouted no and ran Barney tricked his mean old dad and locked him in the cellar Barney’s Mom never found out where he’d gone, Cause Barney didn’t tell her. T
BILL WATTERSON

Dad Mom Peas Plan Sorry
What’s the point of wearing your favorite rocket ship underpants if nobody ever asks to see ’em?
BILL WATTERSON

Point Rockets Ships Wearing
A box of new crayons! Now they’re all pointy, lined up in order, bright and perfect. Soon they’ll be a bunch of ground down, rounded, indistinguishable stumps, missing their wrappers and smudged with other colors. Sometimes life seems unbearably tragic.
BILL WATTERSON

Color Crayon Order Perfect Pointy
Raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you’re old and weak… Am I scary, or what?
BILL WATTERSON

Avenue Cynical Hollywood Poised Raised Scary
In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.
BILL WATTERSON

Long Memories Outside School Successful Term
As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever.
BILL WATTERSON

Congratulations Forever Long

Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

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Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

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