“In Japan, you have no idea what they are saying, and they can’t help you either. Nothing makes any sense. They’re very polite, but you feel like a joke is being played on you the entire time you’re there.”

Buddy Hackett [was] talking – this is Hackett, not me – about the Virgin Mary, a limerick sort of thing, and all these children and families … the look of absolute horror.

You can handle just about anything that comes at you out on the road with a believable grin, common sense and whiskey.

Now, for some of you it doesn’t matter. You were born rich and you’re going to stay rich. But here’s my advice to the rest of you.

I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank piña coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. That was a pretty good day. Why couldn’t I get that day over and over and over?

Whenever I think of the high salaries we are paid as film actors, I think it is for the travel, the time away, and any trouble you get into through being well known. It’s not for the acting, that’s for sure.

There aren’t many downsides to being rich, other than paying taxes and having relatives asking for money. But being famous, that’s a 24 hour job right there.

I don’t know what my fans are going to think. It’s definitely not what they’re used to from me.

I think all phases of one’s career are serious if you take it seriously no matter if you are doing high profile dramatic pieces or not.

While I have felt lonely many times in my life, the oddest feeling of all was after my mother, Lucille, died. My father had already died, but I always had some attachment to our big family while she was alive. It seems strange to say now that I felt so lonely, yet I did.

I know how to be sour. I know that taste.

I met a woman who photographed celebrity dogs for a book, and she told me that Ralph Lauren’s dog is named Rugby. I said, Yeah, but his real name is Stickball.

Every day, he was talking to the studio about this helicopter shot.

Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.

Those are my people, you know? The ones who are going to crash and burn.

The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything.

Everybody had some sort of vision problem, some sort of damage – I had to bury myself in my napkin.

Help!!!! Why is Wednesday spelled like that?!!!!

I don’t care a straw for your newspaper articles, my constituents don’t know how to read, but they can’t help seeing them damned pictures.

The idea of kids helping other kids is such a great way to introduce children to being involved in charitable causes and volunteer work, setting them on the path to doing good for others throughout their lives.

There aren’t that many policy changes you can do, so I’d say you ride the wave and hope that maybe some of the external events help you.

Nutrition is also a valuable component that can help athletes both protect themselves and improve performance.

All religions begin with the cry Help.

The difference between a friend and an acquaintance is that a friend helps; an acquaintance merely advises.

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.