“The truth is, anybody that becomes famous is an ass for a year and a half. You’ve got to give them a year and a half, two years.”

Religion is the worst enemy of mankind. No single war in the history of humanity has killed as many people as religion has.

When everything goes well. When sails rip, engines freeze up and you find there are organisms growing inside the diesel, it’s terrible and amazing stuff.

It’s hard to be an artist. It’s hard to be anything. It’s hard to be.

Movie acting suits me because I only need to be good for ninety seconds at a time.

That’s sort of why I got into acting. I realized the more fun I had, the better I did it. And I thought, that’s a job I could be proud of. It’s changed my life learning that, and it’s made me better at what I do.

Somewhere there’s a score being kept, so you have an obligation to live life as well as you can, be as engaged as you can.

But I can only take so much TV, because there is so much advice. I find people will preach about virtually anything – your diet, how to live your life, how to improve your golf. The lot. I have always had a thing against the Mister Know-It-Alls.

I really don’t know what’s going to come out of my mouth.

You’ll never be good if you don’t know that you are.

You know…they say an elephant never forgets. What they don’t tell you is, you never forget an elephant.

Groundhog Day’ was one of the greatest scripts ever written. It didn’t even get nominated for an Academy Award.

There’s only a couple times when fame is ever helpful. Sometimes you can get into a restaurant where the kitchen is just closing.

I don’t answer fan mail. I don’t have time for that. It’s like hundreds of thousands of people who think they’re going to become millionaires getting autographs from movie actors. I don’t have time for those idiots. I’ve got stuff to do.

The atheists traditionally hold their conventions from Good Friday to Easter Sunday during the hours Christ spent in the grave.

I’d sort of gone through some sort of spiritual change in the late 70s where I sort of saw there was some other life to live. It changed the way that I worked just having a different presence and a different tension.

I think midlife crisis is just a point where people’s careers have reached some plateau and they have to reflect on their personal relationships.

We’ve dressed up in our best and are prepared to go down like gentlemen.

You don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground, you know that?

The Devil is an Ass , I do acknowledge it.

Is your head up your ass so far that you can’t pull it out?

I couldn’t hit an elephant’s ass with a bull fiddle.

Socrates said, our only knowledge was “To know that nothing could be known;” a pleasant Science enough, which levels to an ass Each Man of Wisdom, future, past, or present.

An ass may bray a good while before he shakes the stars down.

I just want everyone to know I’m suing Ruben Studdard. He had his hand on my ass and he wouldn’t let go.