I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
BILL BURRDeny your emotions and act like you have answers
More Bill Burr Quotes
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If you’re on social media as a performer you can tell. If you don’t get any Tweets you know it’s bombed. I can pretty much gauge how it’s doing by comparing the reception to shows I’ve done that have actual ratings.
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I’ve actually expanded the amount of places that I go to because I want to see a bunch of stuff. You know, plan it as I can while I’m still young enough to travel.
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We need a plague. It’s gotta happen. And don’t worry, it’s only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you’re gonna be fine! We gotta let mother nature do her thing, man. She keeps trying to help us out and we won’t let her do it.
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Once you do a joke and it works it’s only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.
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I am so pro-swine flu it’s – it’s like ridiculous.
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I enjoy collaborating with other people.
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You know, it wasn’t even that I’m a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I’d be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.
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I am so pro-swine flu… I want it. We need a plague. It’s got to happen; don’t be afraid. It’s only going to kill the weak.
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What are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
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I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people.
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You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.
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If this goes into sweatshop labor, I’m quitting this podcast.
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I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.
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I wasn’t the good looking guy, I wasn’t the hot chick, I wasn’t the fat guy, I didn’t have a catchphrase, I didn’t wear a silly hat. I was just trying to improve as a comedian.
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The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.
BILL BURR