I’m an idiot, basically. I don’t think that I’m a dumb guy, but I also realise that I have access to about 0.1 percent of the information that I need to have a truly informed opinion about half the stuff I talk about.
BILL BURRThe greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.
More Bill Burr Quotes
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My favorite part of podcasting is running my mouth for an hour. The only time I dont like it is when Im off. Then that hour feels like a day and a half.
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Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.
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I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it’s that same fear.
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A little good advice, a little bad advice.You go to Las Vegas, there’s like a devil and a devil and they’re just battling it out the whole time. It’s like, “Smoke some crack!” “Get a hooker!” And then I go, “YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!”
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Haven’t you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald’s has a new sandwich?
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It’s a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There’s good things and bad things.
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I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.
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Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!
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If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you’re from and some of the thought processes.
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I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy – if they start to like you, they’ll get a project going and call you in.
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Some guy workin’ at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can’t do it, because whores don’t care about lumber.
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We need a plague. It’s gotta happen. And don’t worry, it’s only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you’re gonna be fine! We gotta let mother nature do her thing, man. She keeps trying to help us out and we won’t let her do it.
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Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.
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Once you do a joke and it works it’s only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.
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I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
BILL BURR
![Bill Burr Quote - The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.](https://minimalistquotes.com/images/the-greatest-comebacks-ever-watching-donald-trump-.jpg)
![Bill Burr Quote - The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.](https://minimalistquotes.com/images/grey-the-greatest-comebacks-ever-watching-don.jpg)
![Bill Burr Quote - The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.](https://minimalistquotes.com/images/blue-the-greatest-comebacks-ever-watching-don.jpg)
![Bill Burr Quote - The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.](https://minimalistquotes.com/images/red-the-greatest-comebacks-ever-watching-don.jpg)
![Bill Burr Quote - The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.](https://minimalistquotes.com/images/brown-the-greatest-comebacks-ever-watching-don.jpg)
![Bill Burr Quote - The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.](https://minimalistquotes.com/images/white-the-greatest-comebacks-ever-watching-don.jpg)

