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I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.

Bill Burr

The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.
BILL BURR

Astounding Ever Greatest Republican Seen
There is a very difficult period in a comedian’s career – it’s that window of time where you’re good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.
BILL BURR

Career Comedian Ticket
Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!
BILL BURR

Gold Men Wife
ou’re in control of your brain. When your brain is sending you bad information or bad thoughts, you can decide to go to the gym, or write a new joke – or if you’re on the road, go to a ball game…
BILL BURR

Brain Control Decide Game Road Sending
Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.
BILL BURR

Gun Pet Pitbull
Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I’m yelling?
BILL BURR

People Week Yelling
I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
BILL BURR

Country Fun People
I’ve actually expanded the amount of places that I go to because I want to see a bunch of stuff. You know, plan it as I can while I’m still young enough to travel.
BILL BURR

Amount Bunch Cities Enough Travel
I don’t feel like it’s a wasted vote because I think it encourages more people like that to run. I vote for the candidates that aren’t bought and paid for like the Clintons.
BILL BURR

People Running Thinking
I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
BILL BURR

Believe Debate Trump
Something that’s going to get the blood going. Or you can let those thoughts take you right down the rabbit hole.
BILL BURR

Issue Rabbit Role Something Though Women
Haven’t you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald’s has a new sandwich?
BILL BURR

Government Mcdonalds Sandwiches
It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there.
BILL BURR

Golf Thinking Yelling
Michael Price is the showrunner so nobody works harder than him.
BILL BURR

Hard Nobody Work Harder
I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
BILL BURR

Banker Dog Funny Hate Issue
It’s a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There’s good things and bad things.
BILL BURR

Air Good Things World
There’s no “brothers” when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don’t care about each other. He’s not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio – I don’t know that guy.
BILL BURR

Brother Funny
You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.
BILL BURR

Believe Comedian People
Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.
BILL BURR

Dream Jobs Kings Love Things Worst
Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn’t work out. But maybe because it didn’t work out, that’s why I ended up on ‘Breaking Bad;’ I don’t know.
BILL BURR

Ideas Outcome Sitcom Work
Like when I finally got away from the east coast for a while, and I came back there was just this underlying anger that I never noticed before, because I was born there and just dropped right into it.
BILL BURR

Away Dropped Noticed Right
I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.
BILL BURR

Crowds Happened Tuesday
Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.
BILL BURR

Comedian Scary Sometimes
I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?
BILL BURR

Dead Kings Needs Walking
As a big music fan, England is an amazing place to go.
BILL BURR

Amazing Fans Places
Deny your emotions and act like you have answers
BILL BURR

Answers Emotion Like You
You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, ‘You know what? We don’t think you’re smart enough for an office, but we don’t want you to look at anybody.
BILL BURR

Office Smart Thinking

I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.

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I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.

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Popular Authors

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