I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don’t know where it’s going.
BILL BURRI wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don’t know where it’s going.
BILL BURRWell probably the coolest show of that whole tour was in Germany. I had a chunk of material on [Adolf] Hitler, and I was worried about how they’d react, but they loved it.
BILL BURRHaven’t you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald’s has a new sandwich?
BILL BURRYou’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.
BILL BURRI love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
BILL BURRI’ve actually expanded the amount of places that I go to because I want to see a bunch of stuff. You know, plan it as I can while I’m still young enough to travel.
BILL BURRLike most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn’t work out. But maybe because it didn’t work out, that’s why I ended up on ‘Breaking Bad;’ I don’t know.
BILL BURRGold diggers are the wife beaters of men!
BILL BURRTo me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I’m just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.
BILL BURRMy neighbor’s not even listening to me. He’s all excited about some garden hose he bought at Brookstone. He’s convinced it was designed by NASA. “Actually, it’s got two nozzles, one for the hot and one for the…”
BILL BURRI love making movies, and being in any that I can be in. I’d like to be in those giant movies, as the fifth or sixth lead, and have three or four killer scenes. You don’t have the responsibility of the entire movie being on you. I like those roles. I’m shooting for the middle.
BILL BURRReally? Is it long enough to go around both our necks and the chimney so we can tandem jump off of this? That’s all I really care about you and your little garden hose.
BILL BURROnly an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.
BILL BURRI gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?
BILL BURRI used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.
BILL BURRRealize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.
BILL BURR