I was certified to take x-rays, but you can’t just show up and start cleaning people’s teeth.
BILL BURRAny other town you go to there’s this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder.
More Bill Burr Quotes
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There is a very difficult period in a comedian’s career – it’s that window of time where you’re good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.
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When you say, “there’s no reason [to hit a woman]” that kills any examination as to how two people ended up at that place. When you say, “there’s no reason,” you cut out the build-up and you’re just left with the act. How you gonna solve it if you don’t figure it out?
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Like I said, you guys in the media will treat the dumbest jack**s in the entire f***ng world like they won a Pulitzer prize for journalism and will put that level of weight on it, like they’re an ambassador to some country we’re trying to establish trade with.
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If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you’re from and some of the thought processes.
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When I was coming up the DC Improv was considered the best Improv out there. It’s always been high quality stuff coming out of there.
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The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.
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I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
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I mean, stand up you’re by yourself and it’s live and when you’re acting, unless you’re doing a monologue, you’re interacting with somebody else. Even if you’re doing a monologue you’re saying it to somebody and it’s not live so you can do it a few times.
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Any other town you go to there’s this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder.
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It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there.
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I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy – if they start to like you, they’ll get a project going and call you in.
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I don’t mind it. I just space it out. Every other week I go out. I used to get some time to myself but I’ve been pretty busy lately. But I’ve had it the other way, where I’m staring at the phone waiting for it to ring, so this is definitely better.
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As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names… ‘The Thing That Shouldn’t Be’. ‘The Chair That Wasn’t There’, you know?
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I couldn’t trash [Adolf] Hitler enough. Poor bastards, they make all these contributions to the automotive industry, aeronautics, space – but you pick one wrong guy and it’s all out the window. They’re never gonna live that one down.
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You wanna know how you know you’re informed as a protestor? They don’t show your interview on TV.
BILL BURR