The Detroit String Quartet played Brahms last night. Brahms lost.
BENNETT CERFMost of the things that are supposed to be so objectionable in books are things that every teenager, in the United States, not only knows, but has talked about at length in school, or on the way home from school.
More Bennett Cerf Quotes
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Banquet: a plate of cold, hairy chicken and artificially coloured green peas completely surrounded by dreary speeches and appeals for donations.
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The person who can bring the spirit of laughter into a room is indeed blessed.
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Good manners: The noise you don’t make when you’re eating soup.
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Oratory is the art of making a loud noise sound like a deep thought.
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The fact that we don’t read more books in America can be traced squarely to the fact that we have newspapers that are about a hundred times as big as the newspapers anywhere else.
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In a notable family called Stein There were Gertrude, and Ep, and then Ein. Gert’s writing was hazy, Ep’s statues were crazy, And nobody understood Ein.
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Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognize you.
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Politicians are like ships: noisiest when lost in a fog.
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For me, a hearty “belly laugh” is one of the beautiful sounds in the world.
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TV’s sameness has destroyed many things, such as the American urge toward independent thought.
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Gross ignorance is 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.
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The fundamental difference between the mystery story and the ghost story is the fact that a mystery demands a solution for its effectiveness; a ghost story is necessarily unsolvable; the reader must be willing to accept the fact that nothing is proved.
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Do I believe in ghosts? Of course I do. So do you. Deep in the souls of the most sophisticated of us is lurking a fear of the supernatural which all the discoveries of scientists cannot eradicate.
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There once was a student named Bessor Whose knowledge grew lessor and lessor. It at last grew so small He knew nothing at all, And today he’s a college professor!
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The Atomic Age is here to stay – but are we?
BENNETT CERF