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I’m afraid to live and afraid to die.

Beatrice Sparks

Even my parents treat me like I’m stupid and inferior and ever short. I guess I’ll never measure up to anyone’s expectations. I surely don’t measure up to what I’d like to be.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Even Expectation Inferior Measure
I’m not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I’ve gotten from books.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Book Part Real Really
Maybe the new me will be different.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Different Maybe New
one day I’ll be old, without ever having really been young
BEATRICE SPARKS

Old One Day Young
I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Humanity Small Parts
I can’t believe that I changed so little. I expected to look old and hollow and gray, but I guess it’s only me on the inside that has shriveled and deteriorated.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Believe Littles Looks
I’ve got to sleep. Sleep is my only way to escape.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Escape Sleep Way
She didn’t know whether she was running away from something or running to something, but she admitted that deep in her heart she wanted to go home.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Heart Home Running
I bet the pill is harder to get than drugs–which shows how screwed up this world really is!
BEATRICE SPARKS

Drugs Harder Pills Show World
I pretend I’ve got lots of confidence and I’m a big jock and like that but deep inside I’m a frightened, insecure, can’t-make-it failure.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Frightened Insecure Jocks
This morning when I left Mom’s parting words were, “Come straight home after school.” Wow! Like I’m going to get stoned at 3:30—it doesn’t sound so bad at that.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Home Mom Morning
I would like to stay stoned all the time, it scares me it’s so good. I would like to stay stoned every minute of every day for the rest of my life.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Good Life Minutes Rest Scare
I’m partly somebody else trying to fit in and say the right things and do the right thing and be in the right place and wear what everybody else is wearing.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Kids Shadow Thinking
Lying – remembering beauty in truth.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Beauty Lying Remember Truth
I’m afraid to live and afraid to die.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Afraid Dies Live
The voice of every kid hooked on drugs, alcohol or the occult joins the sad chorus “Not me! I didn’t think it could ever happen to me. I was sure I could handle it.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Kids Thinking Voice

I’m afraid to live and afraid to die.

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I’m afraid to live and afraid to die.

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