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one day I’ll be old, without ever having really been young

Beatrice Sparks

My biggest mistake: not wanting to help myself into thinking I am happy, that change would come about without really trying to change, or wanting to change. Procrastinating about changing. I do want to change.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Mistakes Thinking Trying
Nobody’s talking to me, but nobody’s hassling me either. I guess you can’t have everything.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Everything Guess Nobody Talking
I guess I’ll never measure up to anyone’s expectations. I surely don’t measure up to what I’d like to be.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Expectations Like Measure
I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Humanity Small Parts
They don’t think “I care,” “I hurt,” or “I have feelings.” It just seems like I’m always “wrong,” always “selfish,” always “self-centered” and everything else that’s negative and destructive.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Hurt Selfish Thinking
I’m partly somebody else trying to fit in and say the right things and do the right thing and be in the right place and wear what everybody else is wearing.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Kids Shadow Thinking
I wouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone in this whole world. I wouldn’t hurt them physically or emotionally, how then can people so consistently do it to me?
BEATRICE SPARKS

Hurt People Stupid
Sometimes I think we’re all trying to be shadows of each other, trying to buy the same records and everything even if we don’t like them. Kids are like robots, off an assembly line, and I don’t want to be a robot!
BEATRICE SPARKS

Assembly Everything Record Robot Same Shadow
I’m afraid to live and afraid to die.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Afraid Dies Live
I’m not really sure which parts of myself are real and which parts are things I’ve gotten from books.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Book Part Real Really
She didn’t know whether she was running away from something or running to something, but she admitted that deep in her heart she wanted to go home.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Heart Home Running
They have accepted me as an individual, as a personality, as an entity. I belong! I am important! I am somebody!
BEATRICE SPARKS

Important Individual Personality Something
I’ve got to sleep. Sleep is my only way to escape.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Escape Sleep Way
Alone. The saddest word in the world.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Saddest World
I pretend I’ve got lots of confidence and I’m a big jock and like that but deep inside I’m a frightened, insecure, can’t-make-it failure.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Frightened Insecure Jocks
Lying – remembering beauty in truth.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Beauty Lying Remember Truth

one day I’ll be old, without ever having really been young

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one day I’ll be old, without ever having really been young

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