black
grey
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Nobody’s talking to me, but nobody’s hassling me either. I guess you can’t have everything.

Beatrice Sparks

I really am only one infinitely small part of an aching humanity.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Humanity Small Parts
I guess I’ll never measure up to anyone’s expectations. I surely don’t measure up to what I’d like to be.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Expectations Like Measure
I’m afraid to live and afraid to die.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Afraid Dies Live
Alone. The saddest word in the world.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Saddest World
This morning when I left Mom’s parting words were, “Come straight home after school.” Wow! Like I’m going to get stoned at 3:30—it doesn’t sound so bad at that.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Home Mom Morning
The complete bottom has fallen out of my life.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Bottom Complete Fallen Life
one day I’ll be old, without ever having really been young
BEATRICE SPARKS

Old One Day Young
They don’t think “I care,” “I hurt,” or “I have feelings.” It just seems like I’m always “wrong,” always “selfish,” always “self-centered” and everything else that’s negative and destructive.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Hurt Selfish Thinking
Sometimes fantasies are better than life.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Better Fantasy Life Sometimes
I can’t believe that I changed so little. I expected to look old and hollow and gray, but I guess it’s only me on the inside that has shriveled and deteriorated.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Believe Littles Looks
Even my parents treat me like I’m stupid and inferior and ever short. I guess I’ll never measure up to anyone’s expectations. I surely don’t measure up to what I’d like to be.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Even Expectation Inferior Measure
It’s a good thing most people bleed on the inside or this would be a gory, blood-smeared earth.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Blood Life People
I pretend I’ve got lots of confidence and I’m a big jock and like that but deep inside I’m a frightened, insecure, can’t-make-it failure.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Frightened Insecure Jocks
I would like to stay stoned all the time, it scares me it’s so good. I would like to stay stoned every minute of every day for the rest of my life.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Good Life Minutes Rest Scare
She didn’t know whether she was running away from something or running to something, but she admitted that deep in her heart she wanted to go home.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Heart Home Running
Maybe the new me will be different.
BEATRICE SPARKS

Different Maybe New

Nobody’s talking to me, but nobody’s hassling me either. I guess you can’t have everything.

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Nobody’s talking to me, but nobody’s hassling me either. I guess you can’t have everything.

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