“I am so tired of ruggedly handsome heroes. I don’t know too many ruggedly handsome people who are necessarily nice people. In fact, the beautiful people have a big handicap because they rely too much on their appearance and don’t bother to become interesting.”

there is nothing like a garden to rest the soul.

It was hate at first sight, clean, pure and strong as grain alcohol.

To argue without knowledge is like trying to weave without thread.

Noble causes have a deplorable effect on the morals of the persons who espouse them.

I have learned that particularly clever ideas do not always stand up under close scrutiny.

stereotypes are awfully misleading. There are typical librarians, but not all librarians are typical.

Sekhmet crawled onto Ramses’s lap and began to purr. ‘The creature oozes like a furry slug,’ said Ramses, eyeing it without favor.

Children, I feel, are as much entitled to privacy as human beings.

Humor is an excellent method of keeping a tight rein on unproductive displays of emotion.

The trouble with unknown enemies is that they are so difficult to identify.

The way to get on with a cat is to treat it as an equal – or even better, as the superior it knows itself to be.

I do hope you have some money. I’m getting tired of hitting people.

Emerson,’ I said, choosing my words with care, ‘it is a sheer drop from the cleft down to the base of the cliff. If you are bent on breaking your arm or your leg or your neck or all three, find a place closer to home so we won’t have to carry you such a distance.

I would not be at all surprised to find that it was for gold that Cain committed the first murder. (It happened a very long time ago, and Holy Writ, though no doubt divinely inspired, is a trifle careless about details. God is not a historian).

I knew the answer, and–of course–so did Ramses. He has superb breath control and always gets in ahead of me.

The only way to do it is to do it: by writing, writing, writing.

Not only are they just great, nice guys; they’re some of the best musicians you’re likely to find.

I can’t say enough good things about my band. I feel very fortunate that I found them when I did, very early in my career.

Well I’ve made no secret of my life long love of MAD Magazine, it’s probably my first and greatest influence in terms of my comic sensibilities. I’ve known John [Ficarra] for many years, and we’ve been friends.

I went to church and couldn’t swallow it. The music was nice but I don’t belong there.

The hardest thing about being famous is that people are always nice to you.

I’ve done a movie and a TV series, and someday I’d like to do a successful movie and a successful TV series. That would be nice.

Be as nice as possible and as nasty as necessary.

Butch, you come from DeWitt Clinton. There are five thousand brothers in that school.