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Humor is an excellent method of keeping a tight rein on unproductive displays of emotion.

Barbara Mertz

Your trousers are on fire. I would have told you, but you so dislike advice.
BARBARA MERTZ

Advice Fire Trouser
Emerson,’ I said, choosing my words with care, ‘it is a sheer drop from the cleft down to the base of the cliff. If you are bent on breaking your arm or your leg or your neck or all three, find a place closer to home so we won’t have to carry you such a distance.
BARBARA MERTZ

Distance Home Three
The way to get on with a cat is to treat it as an equal – or even better, as the superior it knows itself to be.
BARBARA MERTZ

Cat Treats Way
Another dead body. Every year it is the same. Every year, another dead body.
BARBARA MERTZ

Another Body Every Year Years
I can do a book in three months if I spend all day, seven days a week at it and, in fact, I work better that way.
BARBARA MERTZ

Book Three Way
It’s not unsporting to thrash a cowardly cad,’ said Simmons. ‘Everyone knows you don’t fight like a gentleman.’ ‘That might be called an oxymoron,’ Ramses said. ‘Oh–sorry. Bad form to use long words. Look it up when you get home.’ The poor devil didn’t know how to fight, like a gentleman or otherwise.
BARBARA MERTZ

Fighting Home Sorry
Giving other people advice is one of the most irritating and useless activities known to man.
BARBARA MERTZ

Giving Men People
When men start talking about ‘honor’, there is sure to be trouble ahead.
BARBARA MERTZ

Men Political Talking
Noble causes have a deplorable effect on the morals of the persons who espouse them.
BARBARA MERTZ

Noble Political Politics
It may take us a little longer to reach the summit, but never fear, we will get there!
BARBARA MERTZ

Determination Littles May
The only people who are not in awe of Emerson’s powerful voice and well-nigh superhuman strength are the members of his own family. He is aware of this, and often complains about it; so from time to time I like to put on a little show of being intimidated. ‘Proceed, my dear,’ I said apologetically.
BARBARA MERTZ

People Powerful Voice
Loving someone condemns you to a lifetime of fear. You become painfully conscious of how fragile people are – bundles of brittle bones and vulnerable flesh, breeding grounds for billions of deadly germs and horrible diseases.
BARBARA MERTZ

Disease Loving People Someone
Exaggeration is the cheapest form of humor.
BARBARA MERTZ

Exaggeration Form Humor
If all else fails, we will simply have to drug our attendants, overpower the guards, raise the oppressed peasants to arms, and take over the government.
BARBARA MERTZ

Arms Drug Government
It is much more sensible to be an optimist instead of a pessimist, for if one is doomed to disappointment, why experience it in advance?
BARBARA MERTZ

Disappointment Optimist Pessimist
A lady cannot be blamed if a master criminal takes a fancy to her.
BARBARA MERTZ

Criminals Fancy Masters

Humor is an excellent method of keeping a tight rein on unproductive displays of emotion.

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Humor is an excellent method of keeping a tight rein on unproductive displays of emotion.

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