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Your trousers are on fire. I would have told you, but you so dislike advice.

Barbara Mertz

Dogs can be made to feel guilty about anything, including the sins of their owners. Cats refuse to take the blame for anything – including their own sins.
BARBARA MERTZ

Blame Cat Dog
Another dead body. Every year it is the same. Every year, another dead body.
BARBARA MERTZ

Another Body Every Year Years
It was hate at first sight, clean, pure and strong as grain alcohol.
BARBARA MERTZ

Hate Sight Strong
When one is striding bravely into the future one cannot watch one’s footing.
BARBARA MERTZ

Foot Future Many One People Watches
Nothing looks as self-satisfied as a contented cat.
BARBARA MERTZ

Cat Looks Self
A man asking for help ought to at least give directions.
BARBARA MERTZ

Asking Giving Help Men
A lady cannot be blamed if a master criminal takes a fancy to her.
BARBARA MERTZ

Criminals Fancy Masters
The approval of a cat cannot but flatter the recipient.
BARBARA MERTZ

Approval Cat Flatter Recipient
Many persons lead lives of crushing boredom.
BARBARA MERTZ

Boredom Crush Persons
The opportunity to lecture had restored my good humor.
BARBARA MERTZ

Lectures Opportunity Teaching
There was no warning, not even a knock. The door flew open, and he forgot his present aches and pains in anticipation of what lay in store. The figure that stood in the door was not that of an enemy. It was worse. It was his mother.
BARBARA MERTZ

Doors Mother Pain
There is nothing sadder than the cheerful letters of the dead, expressing hopes that were never fulfilled, ambitions that were never achieved, dreams cut off before they could come to fruition.
BARBARA MERTZ

Ambition Cutting Dream
It’s not unsporting to thrash a cowardly cad,’ said Simmons. ‘Everyone knows you don’t fight like a gentleman.’ ‘That might be called an oxymoron,’ Ramses said. ‘Oh–sorry. Bad form to use long words. Look it up when you get home.’ The poor devil didn’t know how to fight, like a gentleman or otherwise.
BARBARA MERTZ

Fighting Home Sorry
He hesitated for a moment. Then he said softly, “I love you, Mother.” He took my hand and kissed it, and folded my fingers round the stem of the rose. He had stripped it of its thorns.
BARBARA MERTZ

Love Mother Son You
When men start talking about ‘honor’, there is sure to be trouble ahead.
BARBARA MERTZ

Men Political Talking
To argue without knowledge is like trying to weave without thread.
BARBARA MERTZ

Arguing Thread Trying
In the silence I heard Bastet, who had retreated under the bed, carrying on a mumbling, profane monologue. (If you ask how I knew it was profane, I presume you have never owned a cat.)
BARBARA MERTZ

Bed Cat Silence
Husbands do not care to be contradicted. Indeed, I do not know anyone who does.
BARBARA MERTZ

Care Contradicted Husband
I would not be at all surprised to find that it was for gold that Cain committed the first murder. (It happened a very long time ago, and Holy Writ, though no doubt divinely inspired, is a trifle careless about details. God is not a historian).
BARBARA MERTZ

Doubt Gold Long Time
I have learned that particularly clever ideas do not always stand up under close scrutiny.
BARBARA MERTZ

Clever Ideas Scrutiny
But the dust! And the clutter! My housewifely and scholarly instincts were equally offended.
BARBARA MERTZ

Dust Instinct Scholarly
Cats always pick the laps of the people who don’t like them.
BARBARA MERTZ

Cat Lap People
Exaggeration is the cheapest form of humor.
BARBARA MERTZ

Exaggeration Form Humor
I never meant to marry. In my opinion, a woman born in the last half of the nineteenth century of the Christian era suffered from enough disadvantages without willfully embracing another.
BARBARA MERTZ

Christian Half Lasts
kissing someone out of pity is always a mistake.
BARBARA MERTZ

Kissing Mistake Someone
Love has a very dulling effect on the brain
BARBARA MERTZ

Brain Dulling Effects Love
Nefret had always had an uncanny ability to read his thoughts. ‘Did she cry?’ she asked sweetly. ‘And then you kissed her? You shouldn’t have done that. I’m sure you meant well, but kissing someone out of pity is always a mistake.
BARBARA MERTZ

Done Kissing Mistake

Your trousers are on fire. I would have told you, but you so dislike advice.

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Your trousers are on fire. I would have told you, but you so dislike advice.

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