“I can do a book in three months if I spend all day, seven days a week at it and, in fact, I work better that way.”

There was no warning, not even a knock. The door flew open, and he forgot his present aches and pains in anticipation of what lay in store. The figure that stood in the door was not that of an enemy. It was worse. It was his mother.

In the silence I heard Bastet, who had retreated under the bed, carrying on a mumbling, profane monologue. (If you ask how I knew it was profane, I presume you have never owned a cat.)

Cats always pick the laps of the people who don’t like them.

Giving other people advice is one of the most irritating and useless activities known to man.

His masculinity was only too apparent

I am so tired of ruggedly handsome heroes. I don’t know too many ruggedly handsome people who are necessarily nice people. In fact, the beautiful people have a big handicap because they rely too much on their appearance and don’t bother to become interesting.

Many persons lead lives of crushing boredom.

It may take us a little longer to reach the summit, but never fear, we will get there!

Another dead body. Every year it is the same. Every year, another dead body.

Since I am not as stupid as my children believe I am, I had immediately realized this might be a ruse, but I was not at all averse to a confrontation. In fact, I had been hoping for some such thing.

But the dust! And the clutter! My housewifely and scholarly instincts were equally offended.

I don’t think she realized how much she cared for him, or he for her, until the end. Hasn’t someone said a woman may be known by the men who love her enough to die for her? (If they haven’t, I claim the credit myself.)

That’s maturity-when you realize that you’ve finally arrived at a state of ignorance as profound as your parents.

When emotion supersedes reason … gullibility must follow.

Martyrdom is often the result of excessive gullibility.

Sometimes the characters develop almost without your knowing it. You find them doing things you hadn’t planned on, and then I have to go back to page 42 and fix things. I’m not recommending it as a way to write. It’s very sloppy, but it works for me.

My first album was completed in three months.

I try not to write more than two or three, I try to just write one if possible

So you’re doing that the first two or three screenings, and then finally, you dial the movie in and it’s working, and at that point, it’s 50/50 as far as what’s funny and what’s working.

When I think about literature, I think about it in the three languages I read easily – English, Spanish, and Portuguese.

If someone offers you a three picture deal at 20 you’d take it. I would have killed for it.

I don’t think in this day and age that, aside from two or three people, there isn’t an actor who can just do one thing.

I love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.

There is no way it would take gay men three hours to find Matt Damon.