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A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.

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Day Every Going Hard Hope Humorist Joke Morning Much Rough Well

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
ALAN COREN

Dehydrate Exist Land Merely Sea Speak Strict
The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
ALAN COREN

Accident Act Cannot Incur Designation God Insurance Policy Roughly
I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
ALAN COREN

Footprint Item Manufacture Payroll Sometimes Wonder
But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
ALAN COREN

Cigarette Cover Even Forgettable Item Lest Ninety Object State Today
English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
ALAN COREN

Unlusiocous Bohemianism Curiously English Fruit
Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
ALAN COREN

Country Emigrate Ethnical Made South Up
Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
ALAN COREN

Call Country Extend Person Sheepdog Shepherd
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
ALAN COREN

Coner Interim People More People Room Stand Television
Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
ALAN COREN

Bed Flower Heliotrope Hothouse Inside Lascivious Lotus Orchid Passion Poppies Sweat Sweet Warm Window
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
ALAN COREN

All Bird Date One Pigeon Sparrow
Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
ALAN COREN

Contemporary Disneyworld Future Historical Person Point Reconstruction Sanitise Uncognisant Vision
To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
ALAN COREN

Grievance Life Purpose
Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
ALAN COREN

Bread Country Delicacy Local Only World
10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
ALAN COREN

After Bed Break Chance Gone Newsnight Out Three War World
Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
ALAN COREN

Brief Curent Enjoy Lost Mercedeas Own Translate
A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
ALAN COREN

Day Every Going Hard Hope Humorist Joke Morning Much Rough Well

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