But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
ALAN CORENMalta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
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There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
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Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
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To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
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Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
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Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
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Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
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Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
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The word “souvenir” has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless.
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Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
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Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
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All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
ALAN COREN