Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
ALAN CORENMalta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
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Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
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But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
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English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
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Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
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To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
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10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
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The word “souvenir” has, of course, slightly extended itself in meaning until it now denotes almost anything either breakable or useless.
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Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
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Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
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Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
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A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
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All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
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