Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
ALAN CORENMalta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
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A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
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10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
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English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
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There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
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Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
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Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
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Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
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Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
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Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
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Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
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Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
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