Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
ALAN CORENBut even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
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Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
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All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
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10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
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But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
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Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
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Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
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The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
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To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
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Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
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Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
ALAN COREN