I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
ALAN CORENI sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
ALAN CORENThere are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
ALAN CORENDemocracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
ALAN CORENBeing a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
ALAN CORENTo have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
ALAN CORENDisneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
ALAN CORENEnjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
ALAN CORENJacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren’t called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?)
ALAN CORENWhy they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
ALAN CORENSince both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
ALAN CORENThe Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
ALAN CORENStrictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
ALAN CORENInside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds.
ALAN CORENTelevision is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
ALAN CORENEthnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
ALAN CORENBut even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
ALAN COREN