Had your forefathers, Wigglesworth, been as stupid as you are, the human race would never have succeeded in procreating itself.
ALAN BENNETTMy school was a state school in Leeds and the headmaster usually sent students to Leeds University but he didn’t normally send them to Oxford or Cambridge.
More Alan Bennett Quotes
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Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache.
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A composite too are the neighbours, Pauline and Rufus, though I have made Rufus a publisher in remembrance of my neighbour, the late Colin Haycraft, the proprietor of Duckworth’s.
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One recipe for happiness is to have to sense of entitlement.’ To this she added a star and noted at the bottom of the page: ‘This is not a lesson I have ever been in a position to learn.
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If I had to sum up my work, I suppose that’s it really: I’m taking the pith out of reality.
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And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours
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That’s a bit like asking a man crawling across the Sahara whether he would prefer Perrier or Malvern water.
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And if it can be explained that it can be explained away.’ ‘But this is History. Distance yourselves.
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Books are not about passing time. They’re about other lives. Other worlds.
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Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we’re all of us looking for the key.
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It’s much easier to follow something that’s not been as successful as this.
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However bad the weather, Dad never drove to church because Mam thought the sacrament might make him incapable on the return journey.
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We still don’t like to admit the war was even partly our fault because so many of our people died.
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An article on playwrights in the Daily Mail , listed according to Hard Left,
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You don’t put your life into your books, you find it there.
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A book is a device to ignite the imagination.
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[B]riefing is not reading. In fact it is the antithesis of reading. Briefing is terse, factual and to the point.
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Reading is untidy, discursive and perpetually inviting. Briefing closes down a subject, reading opens it up.
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Some local boys come in and there is a bit of chat between them and the fish-fryer about whether the kestrel under the counter is for sale.
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Philip Larkin used to cheer himself up by looking in the mirror and saying the line from Rebecca, ‘I am Mrs de Winter now!
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Once I start a book I finish it. That was the way one was brought up.
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Life is generally something that happens elsewhere.
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But then, when I did go, the contrast between Leeds, which was very black and sooty in those days, and Cambridge, which seemed like something out of a fairystory, in the grip of a hard frost, was just wonderful.
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Your whole life is on the other side of the glass. And there is nobody watching.
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You always know when you’re going to arrive. If you go by car, you don’t. Apart from anything else, I prefer cycling. It puts you in a good mood, I find.
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I saw someone peeing in Jermym Street the other day. I thought, is this the end of civilization as we know it? Or is it simply someone peeing in Jermyn Street?
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Have you ever thought, headmaster, that your standards might perhaps be a little out of date?
ALAN BENNETT