“I once recommended [in a San Francisco Chronicle column] that a third arm – a plastic arm – be sewn at the base of the spine so that people could have a tripod to sit on while waiting in line, and it was taken seriously.”

A woman in Santa Barbara, California, sent a $40,000 check. I fondled it for about five minutes and then sent it back. I told her I couldn’t accept money from strangers.

I look at the newspapers, and I cannot believe most of the stories I read. Bernie Madoff, who actually screwed millions of people for billions of dollars.

It’s just unbelievable what he got away with and how long it took for him to be exposed. A guy like that should be hanged.

Even with clothing naked animals, there were people who wanted to send in money.

My credibility is zero. My wife claims she can go before any judge at any time and have me committed.

We’re a nation of sheep. If you go out and look up at the sky, people around you will start looking up at the sky.

” Let me take two shots in the arm and a punch on the nose and let me get on to the next thing.

Another reason is baseball has to compete with other sports now – basketball, football, soccer – for the better athletes that might have more skills and stronger arms.

I think if you’re going to do a movie about Reagan, you do it about the fact that he created the huge deficit.

If you hear, day after day, liberals are rooting against armed forces.

Armed with nothing more than a Facebook user’s phone number and home address.

A monarch should be ever intent on conquest, lest his neighbours rise in arms against him.

I don’t know what it’s like to be an arm amputee, or have even one flesh-and-bone leg, or to have cerebral palsy.

In their country, two fellow coutrymen whose paths berely cross (or see each only only briefly) with inferrence, would effusively rush themselves up (or throw themselves) into each other arms if they would happen to meet in a desert, among Cannibles.