“I don’t know why people question the academic training of an athlete.”

Do what you have to do as long as you don’t hurt people.

You can always tell the Catholic schools by the length of the cheerleaders’ skirts.

Winning is only important in war and surgery.

I come from New York where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by your wallet.

Every obnoxious fan has a wife at home that dominates him.

If the waitress has dirty ankles, the chili is good.

The next time I will cry is when I die. My life has been that beautiful.

We rush for the stars as we crawl toward our graves.

I had my moment on the stage. The trick in life is to know when to leave.

God didn’t miss any of us.

It bothers me that the average fan, the average sportswriter for that matter, pays so much attention to what’s in a box score.

Help one kid at a time. He’ll maybe go back and help a few more.

You measure a player from the head up.

I tell the players that they can’t relive any day in their lives and that they can’t relive the minutes of a game.

I don’t think any decent human being enjoys recruiting.

You gotta have a concrete lawn before I feel comfortable enough to go in and talk to you parents.

Maurice was a silly man. Maurice liked being silly.

And with this show we’re trying to be a little sillier. We can do a piece like one we wrote the other day called “Ghost Busters Busters”. Where would never do that in a million years on Mr. Show, but somehow on this show it’s silly and stupid and a little more disposable, so we can do something like that.

It’s like an American tradition. A person gets successful and then he’s supposed to change for the worse. It’s silly.

I just like doing silly girly things. If I wrap a gift, I like to use specials ribbon and hot glue, silk flowers and things.

I skate all the time, but it’s silly for me to do contests when MTV is giving me a boatload of money.

Culture is a perversion. It fetishizes objects, creates consumer mania, it preaches endless forms of false happiness, endless forms of false understanding in the form of squirrelly religions and silly cults. It invites people to diminish themselves and dehumanize themselves by behaving like machines.

Writing is one way to go about thinking, and the practice and habit of writing not only drain the mind but supply it, too.

When you’re young, you’re stupid. You do silly things.