“Google might be doping the horses.”

I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. ‘It’s a job, Al,’ Guy told me. ‘We work at it every day.’

When people talked about protecting their privacy when I was growing up, they were talking about protecting it from the government.

I wish I had spent more time at the office and less time in prison.

They’ve had local rightwing guys who’ve become national rightwing guys, and who build slowly, and that’s how it goes. We haven’t had that. It isn’t like we have a farm team.

The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal.

They had developed all these bad habits of being objective and balanced and stuff like that.

Being a comedian, you’re under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform – to deal with pressure without stress.

Russia has a strategy of creating the conditions that give rise to corruption, then exploiting that corruption to its own benefit.

Sometimes if I tell people, ‘I’m afraid that I’m really a fraud,’ or ‘I have a lot of self-doubt,’ they go.

Putin has had many positive experiences working with Western political leaders whose business interests made them more disposed to deal with Russia.

Gary Bauer is a very good – he’s a good friend of mine.

They’re about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover.

Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.

But in the right-wing media, they do have a right-wing bias. And they also have an agenda. So their agenda is: we’re an adjunct of the Republican Party, and we’re going push that agenda every day, and, as you say, brand these stories that help further the right-wing cause.

Well, a lot of politics is communicating with people, and obviously comedy has something to do with that.

I think if you’re going to do a movie about Reagan, you do it about the fact that he created the huge deficit.

I would pick Kendrick Lamar because he is so dope as an artist and I love his hustle and his passion.

In this state, dig it, you get twenty years for sale of dope to a minor. You only get five to ten for manslaughter. So like, the thing is, if you’re selling to a kid and cops come, shoot the kid real quick!

Smoking dope and hanging up Che’s picture is no more a commitment than drinking milk and collecting postage stamps.

Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.

Smoking dope and hanging up Che’s picture is no more a commitment than drinking milk and collecting postage stamps.

The ’60s are gone, dope will never be as cheap, sex never as free, and the rock and roll never as great.

Vancouver is dope, everybody got across the border today.

Radio’s a scary thing for me. It’s dope to be on there.