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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

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Being a comedian, you’re under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform – to deal with pressure without stress.
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Comedian Deal Perform Pressure Stress Under
After my varied and celebrated career in television, movies, publishing, and the lucrative world of corporate speaking, being a fellow at Harvard seemed, frankly, like a step down.
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Career Celebrate Corporate Down Fellow Frank Like Movie Publish Seem Speak Step Television World
The institutions that we’ve built up over the years to protect our individual privacy rights from the government don’t apply to the private sector.
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Apply Built Government Individual Institution Privacy Private Protect Right Sector Year
But God told me that He/She/It had actually chosen Al Gore by making sure that Gore won the popular vote and, God thought, the Electoral College. ‘That worked for everyone else,’ God said.
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Actual Chosen Electoral Everyone God Good Gore Make Popular Sure Thought Vote Work
They’re trying to pay for health care and send their kids to college, they’re worried about declining home values, they’re scared for a loved one they have serving in Iraq.
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Care College Country Decline Health Home Kid Pay Scare Send Serve Try Value Worry
The reason I wrote political satire was because I thought it – politics – was important… that public policy was important. Then I transitioned into books, then into radio.
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Book Country Important Policy Political Public Transition Wrote
If you want a free email service that doesn’t use your words to target ads to you, you’ll have to figure out how to port years and years of Gmail messages somewhere else, which is about as easy as developing your own free email service.
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Develop Else Email Figure Free Gmail Message Out Port Service Somewhere Target Want Word Year
But when Americans lack the most basic information about our domestic surveillance programs, they have no way of knowing whether we’re getting that balance right. This lack of transparency is a big problem.
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Big Country Domestic Get Information Lack Problem Program Surveillance Transparency
I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people.
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Assure Country Nsa People Spy
They’re about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover.
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Cover Do Easy Make Money Rate Stories
There’s no comparison between NPR and the propaganda that you hear from Rush or from Sean Hannity.
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Between Book Comparision Hear Liar Lie People Propaganda
Well, a lot of politics is communicating with people, and obviously comedy has something to do with that.
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Comedy Communication Do Lot People Politics Pressure Something
But when the veteran has a dog, the same people will come up and say, ‘Hi’ to pet the dog and then strike up a conversation.
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Come Conversation Dog Pet Place Same Say Strike Up
I know that it’s probably not a good idea for a comedian, especially a satirist, to support a public policy group or a politician.
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Comedian Especially God Group Idea Policy Population Probably Public Satirist Support Year
Does the mainstream media have a liberal bias? On a couple of things, maybe.
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Net neutrality has been in place since the very beginning of the Internet.
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