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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If 98 out of 100 doctors tell me I’ve got a problem, I should take their advice.
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Anybody who deliberately propagandizes with lies should be held up to scorn and ridicule.
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Anybody Deliberate Held Lie Ridicule Scorn Should
Call-time has renewed my faith in the need for public financing of elections. Call-time is where I as the candidate, sit in a room with my “call-time manager,” and a phone. Then I call people and ask them for money. For hours. Apparently, I’m really good at it.
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Ask Call Candidate Election Faith Finance Manage Money Need People Phone Public Renew Room Time
Skepticism turns to cynicism, which leads to apathy and despair, which can cause sleeplessness, dry-mouth, and loss of sex drive?
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Technology is an incredible tool – it connects people to each other.
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Connect Each Other Incredible Job People Technology Tool
There is a subset of Democrats who tend to mis-fill out ballots. The way you mark the ballot is like an S.A.T. – you fill in the circle. And the subset of people who tend to, like, put a check there instead, or an X, or fill it out wrong.
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A blogger should have the same ability to find an audience as a media conglomerate.
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The guy who ran it at first misled pretty much everybody about how much capital we had.
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Capital Everybody First Guy Had Misled Much Ran
I mean, there is a part of the media that’s not the mainstream media. That’s Fox, that is ‘The Wall Street Journal’ editorial page.
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Channel Editorial Journal Mainstream Media Page Part
There is – I mean – I found early in life that righteous indignation is a little off-putting, and so I try to couch it with humor.
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I’m a perfectionist and if I start making changes, I’ll never stop.
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Asking the question whether the mainstream media has a liberal or conservative bias is like asking whether al Qaeda uses too much oil in their hummus.
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You can’t change your fingerprints. You have only ten of them. And you leave them on everything you touch; they are definitely not a secret.
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Change Definite Everything Fingerprint Leave Secret Touch
That he armed the Mujahideen, that he armed Saddam, that he armed Iran, that he armed two-thirds of the Axis of Evil, and that he funded terrorists in Central America. He was, in my mind, a terrible president.
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Arm Axis Central Country Exil Fund Mind Terrible Terrorist
If I put myself on the ballot and even 50 people voted for me, it’d be a travesty.
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That’s bad news for everyone else – and for our democracy itself.
AL FRANKEN

Bad Else Everone Itself News Our Democracy

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