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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

Al Franken

The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal.
AL FRANKEN

Conservative Country Liberal Media Money Much
The way I see it, I’m not going to Washington to be the 60th Democratic senator. I’m going to Washington to be the second senator from the state of Minnesota.
AL FRANKEN

Country Democrat Go Minnesota Second Senator State Way
As someone who’s spent time with our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan on USO tours and met wounded warriors at Walter Reed and Bethesda,
AL FRANKEN

Country Someone Spent Time Tour Troop Warrior Wound
And I think that being able to make people laugh and write a book that’s funny makes the information go down a lot easier and it makes it a lot more fun to read, easier to understand, and often stronger. So there’s all kinds of advantages to it.
AL FRANKEN

Book Down Easy Fun Information Laugh Make People Think Understand Write
There’s going to have to be investigations, and an independent investigation, into the Trump campaign and the Trump administration’s relationship to Russia.
AL FRANKEN

Administration Campaign Country Independent Investigation Relationship
I got interested in politics during the civil rights movement and then Vietnam.
AL FRANKEN

Civil Country During Interest Movement Political Right
If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.
AL FRANKEN

Humor Look Really Sense Terrorist
Google’s screen for privacy settings does give you more options for what you share than Apple’s does. But it’s not a complete list, and people aren’t aware of whether or not that information will go to a third party.
AL FRANKEN

Apple Aware Complete Google Information More Option Party People Privacy Screen Setting Share
Russia has cultivated an opaque network of patronage across the region that it uses to influence and direct decision- making.
AL FRANKEN

Across Country Cultivated Decioison Direct Influence Influencer Making Network Region User
It’s not preppies, cause I’m a preppie myself. I just don’t like homosexuals. If you ask me, they’re all homosexuals in the Pudding. Hey, I was glad when that Pudding homosexual got killed in Philadelphia.
AL FRANKEN

Her Homosexual Myself Philadelphia Preppy Pud
Liberals like me love America. We just love America in a different way.
AL FRANKEN

Country Different Liberal Love Way
I think that the default for collecting any kind of personal data should be opt-in consent.
AL FRANKEN

Card Collect Consent Data Default Personal Think
Compared to the American public at large, probably a slightly higher percentage of journalists, because of thier enhanced power of discernment, realize they know a gay person or two, and are, therefore, less frightened of them.
AL FRANKEN

Compare Country Enhance Frighten Gau Higher Journalism Large Less Percentage Person Power Probably Public Slight Two
I’m angry at the right wing media. And by that I don’t mean the media is right wing.
AL FRANKEN

Angry Media Right Wing
Good schools for me to prepare myself for a career, and, if I worked hard and played by the rules, a chance for me to do anything I wanted.
AL FRANKEN

Anything Chance Creer Good Hard Play Prepare Rule School Want Work
I know that it’s probably not a good idea for a comedian, especially a satirist, to support a public policy group or a politician.
AL FRANKEN

Comedian Especially God Group Idea Policy Population Probably Public Satirist Support Year

Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

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